Pineapple on Pizza; Are some people born evil, or is it the result of parental negligence​?


Ah yes, the Age old question: has someone who ordered Pineapple on their pizza a psychopath, or is it the result of their parents not doing enough to raise a child properly.

Children raised without parental guidance can grow up to be terrible people. There is no doubt about that. Look at Micheal Jackson, who (forgetting all of that other stuff)  bleached his damn skin and died a creepy , old porcelain doll. Or Dennis Rodman, who I’m sure never had parental figure. Although these two examples are tragic they do not compare to putting pineapple on pizza, as even a child who grew up raised by a bear Jungle Book style would discard a pizza with pineapple on it.

Anyways, I did a lot of research for this article and found some fucking crazy similarities between pineapple pizza eaters and psychopaths.

  • Lack of empathy, guilt, conscience or remorse is the first and most obvious signs of a psychopath. Like when someone orders pineapple on pizza, they don’t give a shit that they just wrecked the pizza.
  • Shallow experiences of feelings or emotions is another sign. In my experience, people who order pineapple on their pizza are cold, and generally don’t laugh at much, except the misery of others.
  • Irresponsibility and a failure to accept responsibility for their actions. A fantastic example of this  is the typical response when someone orders pineapple on their pizza, which would be “You wrecked the pizza by ordering pineapple. “Of course, this causes the orderee to fly off the handle, and tell you that ” you didn’t say no” or “you didn’t tell me what you wanted”.
  • A grandiose sense of their own worth is the final similarity I have found between pineapple pizza eaters and psychopaths. “This pizza is the best” or “I nailed this order” is something routinely heard from people after they order  pizza with pineapple on it.

Now I’m not an expert here. I don’t know what to do about these pineapple on pizza eating psychopaths, but it seems to me that at least taking the first step and banning pineapple at pizzerias should be the first step, no? I mean, we’ve seen how well gun free zones work, it has to work for pineapple. I’m just kidding everyone, relax, I’m not making a political statement here. It’s obvious that the only way to deal with people who put pineapple on their pizza is to put a bullet in their head.

And I know what you’re thinking. No, that isn’t a tad extreme. Do you really want people like this going around all willy nilly, stabbing their little brothers, breaking little birds necks, then relaxing with a slice filled with the devils fruit? I don’t.


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